The Mirror has Two Sides

If you ever have used a make-up mirror this will make good sense to you why I chose this title.  If you haven't, let me explain. Some make-up mirrors have two sides, one side is just your regular everyday mirror and the other side is a magnified mirror to see up close what you are doing.

With the weight loss I am experiencing the mirror is sometimes my worst enemy. It is as if one day I am looking into the regular side and look fine and beautiful and seeing what others are seeing in my hard work to shed the pounds and then the next day I'm looking into the same mirror but it's magnified and I'm seeing EVERY "flaw" there is to see. "Flaws" being the loose skin, stretch marks ( I have those in places I didn't know you could get them in!), old scars seem to become way more noticeable, even the shape of my belly button.  Which in my self image evaluation looks like the outer space big black hole. To me it's where my belly button has sunken in from my stomach getting so big and the skin around it formed this oblong shape giving it the appearance of the "Black Hole".  Can you tell I do quite a bit of self evaluations of my body?  I am constantly looking for "flaws", things I feel should not be there or if and when I find a companion I feel he will notice and find these things unattractive or nasty looking. Yes, it's that deep for me,these are my demons. I know it is rooted in my self beliefs of inadequacy in many things.I struggle with the old Olay slogan of "Love the skin your in."

Now, I ask how can I love the skin I'm in when I see these list of "flaws"?

1. Two C-section scars.
2. Varicose veins on my legs.
3. Stretch marks on my stomach and now my underarms from the weight loss.
4. A tiny Gallbladder removal scar that look huge now.
5. Three circle scars from that darn heart monitor gel that caused a allergic reaction(so not sexy).
6. Loose skin on my inner thighs.
7. Loose skin under my arms.
8. Back fat.
9. Love handles.
10. Normal shaped belly button with flat stomach.

The comedian Katt Williams made a joke in one of his DVD movies "It's Pimpin', Pimpin'" that men don't pay attention to if a woman's nail and toe polish match and that you had stretch marks cause you had babies but the reality is... I care! and probably way too much.

I care so much that I spent a whole Saturday sitting in front of the television on my couch watching the complete episodes of Dr. 90210 on Netflix!  If you don't know about Dr. 90210 it is a reality show based in Hollywood about people(men and women) getting cosmetic surgery, anywhere from Brazilian butt lifts to liposuction to tummy tucks and face lifts. Yep! cosmetic surgery has crossed my mind SEVERAL times to remove excess skin and getting a tummy tuck.  On one particular episode there was an African American woman my age, built and had children and had lost a lot of weight by herself.  She was now having the same problem I was with image. Her dream was to wear a 2 piece bathing suit for once in her life.  So she went in to have excess skin removed from her underarms and inner thighs, liposuction and a tummy tuck.  When she  healed she looked FABULOUS! I was so ready to start manifesting the money to have this done until... She raised her arm and I saw the scar from her elbow to her armpit and another at her "bikini line". Wow! Reality check. Seriously! I don't need nor want more scars.  This would just be something else I would be adding to a new list, and I don't want ANY list. Ugh! i want to comfortable within me and my skin flaws and all. So now I'm back to trying to "Love the skin I'm in." :-(

There are things I do love about my body and yes I do have a list for that too! List are apart of healing, it's that even balance between good/bad, pros/cons,negative/positive, however you want to phrase it. Here is my list:

1. My breast
2. My Thick thighs (look Great in jeans and fitted skirts) :-)
3. My Round but firm butt
4. My Hips
5. My Smile
6. My Muscle definition (without lifting weights)
7. My Natural curves
8. My Legs
9. My eyes
10. Haven't thought of one yet for here. Hopefully it will hit me by the end of this blog :-)

Sometimes I look in the full length(regular) mirror in my daughter's room and smile with such pride and confidence and dance and sing " She's a bad ma'am a jamma" at what I have accomplished and see myself as this beautiful, vibrant and sexy woman. I am amazed how much my inner beauty is coming out and enhancing my outer beauty (this is my view of myself which is perfectly healthy).If you don't see me that way that's cool and your opinion.
 But yet I still struggle to see what others see in me internally and physically.  A very good friend of mine whom has lost a lot of weight herself and been on the cover of a magazine told me," it takes a while for the mind to catch up to what the body is doing." After several years of keeping her weight off, she went from a size 28 to a size 6/8 and she STILL at times sees that over 200+ woman. She encourages me to stay focused and determined and it will all come together.  But I'm telling it's HARD!  It's like the chorus of the Geto Boys song goes" My Mind Playing Tricks On Me."

I would NEVER lie to you or give you false hope that this will be all a joyous and happy go lucky journey because it's not! It's an awakening journey and dealing with stuff you DON'T want to deal with and changing/breaking old habits and REDISCOVERING this person that God created and it HURTS sometimes. But it is WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT! If you want to be healthy mentally and physically you have to go THROUGH this believing GOD WILL NOT leave you! Your ANCESTORS are guiding you and supporting you and your friends and family are encouraging you to KEEP moving forward.

Soon I will have the regular mirror to look at and see me everyday and ONLY use the magnified mirror for some regular maintenance work.

What is Going on With you? Body Changes

If you have started this lifestyle change you may notice things happening in your body that weren't happening before.  Keep in mind I AM NOT a doctor! I am ONLY explaining things that I HAVE experienced. If you have concerns PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN!

General Aces and Pains:
 First, DRINK PLENTY of water! Not only to stay hydrated and promote healthy bowel movements but to help keep muscles from cramping. If you are experiencing muscle cramps it could be related to dehydration and low potassium.  If you eat them bananas are a good source of potassium and help combat muscle cramps.

Second, ALWAYS remember to do a good stretching before your workouts. Stretching warms your muscles up and prepares them for the task they are about to embark on :-) Once you begin working out your muscles will tighten up but that doesn't mean STOP! At times you have to work through the pain. If you sit around just because it is hurting from a good workout all the muscle will do is get tighter and then you will hurt even more!  If a particular body part is hurting give it a rest for a day and focus on another area of the body. Example, if your legs are hurting from squats the next day work on arms, then go back to squats the following day.

Lastly, If pain persist more than a few days and is very unbearable I advise you to seek consult from your physician. Usually, after a few days the soreness will lighten up. With each time your work your body it will become easier to do. The initial part is a big shock to the body like,"OMG what are you doing we haven't had movement like this in years." Once you get to the point where a certain exercise is becoming too easy it's time to take it up a level.

Nausea During Workout:
The urge to "throw up" or the act of actually throwing up is normal! As I said above your body has just been shocked into doing something in most cases it hasn't done in God knows how long.  I'll share this with you, when I first did Afro-Caribbean dance with Jason I was rockin' you hear me! I felt like an African Queen dancing my butt off.  By the third song (each being about 3-4minutes long) I was running to the bathroom and throwing up! I later told Jason what had happened and he looked at me and laughed and said ," Good! means your working hard."  There is much truth in the saying " No pain No gain".  If your not feeling something then you are not challenging yourself enough! When you are working out you should be sweating if your not WORK HARDER!!
The sickness to the stomach should subside, If not CONSULT your physician.

Gas and Bowel Movements:
 You may notice if you are eating more fruits and vegetables you become quite full of gas.  This is normal and will subside after your body gets used to the new intake of fiber this link has helped me out quite a bit through my weight loss journey and questions I have www.livestrong.com. Check out this website on how to deal with the gas. Keep Beano on hand to combat this.

When it comes to your bowel movements with all the movement and better food choices you are making you are getting your enzymes moving in your intestines and you will begin to have more of them as you move around and incorporate more fiber and water into your lifestyle. If you go towww.DrOz.com he does a whole Q&A on bowel movements and remedies for constipation. You should be having 1-2 a day.

Periods:
If you didn't experience heavy periods before you will now! If they were heavy you will more than likely see them lighten up. When you first start working out your periods will be heavy and you may experience some cramping,this being from my experience and women I know. This is just another way your body is reacting to the new change in movement and lifestyle. This lifestyle change literally changes everything your body "HAD" become accustomed to.  OMG! I clotted so much it was unreal. I was so exhausted as well.  But as time has gone on my body has adjusted and my period has become lighter and I no way near clot as much as I did before working out and eating better.
Even though you have your period and are tired I encourage you to keep on with your normal workout routine, if it is too much during that week then take it down a notch. Instead of running; walk. If your doing zumba modify your movements where you are still moving just not as intense as usual.  Your body is already going through some intense work internally no need to over extend yourself for the workout too! You must have an even balance and know when you are pushing too much and when to give your body a break.  In my opinion if your are working out 5-6days a week all month long not exercising during your menstrual cycle is o.k. gives your body a rest. but that's my opinion, so do as you feel comfortable doing.

Hemorrhoids:
Now, I haven't had this problem but I know some that have and all I can say to this is seek CONSULT from your physician.

Sex Drive:
Oh YEAH!!! If your libido was low I'm sure your seeing an increase now! If it was average it's probably higher now.  My guess is your feeling sexy now and more confident about your new body and want to flaunt it. Let's face it... YOU'RE SEXY AND YOU KNOW IT!  So go on and sing it to your mate...Ooo,Ooo,Ooo I wanna sex you up! :-)

My Favorite Recipes

Baked Chicken with Spaghetti Squash


What you will need:
     For Chicken:

• 4 oz chicken breast(s)
• Water or Chicken Broth ( your choice) to bake chicken in

For Spaghetti Squash:

• Acorn Squash aka Spaghetti Squash
• Tomato Pesto ( flavor of your choice) I use Sun dried with Basil

Chicken:

1. Preheat oven 350 degrees
2. Cut chicken breast into 4oz halves
3. Place in a casserole dish
4. Season chicken to your taste
5. Add water or Chicken broth ( my choice) half way up breast
6. Cover with aluminium foil
7. Place in oven bake for about 30minutes until not pink on the inside

Squash:
 Preheat oven to 375 degrees

1. Keep squash whole
2. Pierce rind all over with a fork( to create air pockets so it will not explode)
3. Place in microwave on high until skin is soft (approx.2-3min per pound)
4. Remove from microwave let stand for 5min
5. Place in shallow dish
6. Bake in 375degree oven for 1 hour (rotate half way through cooking)
7. Remove from oven CAREFUL VERY HOT!
8. Cut in half and remove seeds from center of squash(should come out fairly easy)
9. Take fork and scrape and twist squash from sides of rind (hence name spaghetti squash because it will look like squash)
10. Place in bowl
11. Take Tomato Pesto of your flavor choice on squash and stir it in
12. Serve warm.

ENJOY!!!




Corn and Red Bean Salad

What you will need:

• Can of Whole Kernel Corn
• Can of Red Kidney Beans
• Optional: Cooked  Brussels Sprouts or Broccoli

1. Open can of Whole Kernel Corn and DRAIN completely
2. Open can of Red Kidney Beans and DRAIN completely
3. Place both in a bowl
4. Add cooked  brussels sprouts( cut in half) or broccoli if you choose to
5. Season to taste
6. Great cold by itself for lunch or as a side dish

ENJOY!!!!

Tune Casserole

What you will need:

• 2Can of tuna (in water) DRAINED
• Egg noddles
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon of pepper
• 4 tablespoons flour 
• 2cups of milk
• Optional: Steamed broccoli 
• Whisk(whisk will remove clumps from sauce)
• Cracker crumbs

• Boil egg noddles DO NOT OVER COOK! Will become very mushy
• Cook til a lighter cream color but still firm 
• Preheat oven 350 degrees

Sauce:

1. Melt 4tablespoons butter in 5quart sauce pan
2. Mix in 4 tablespoons of flour (will clump up naturally)STIR CONSTANTLY with whisk or flour will burn 
3. SLOWLY stir in milk (with whisk) Constantly stirring and removing clumps
4. Stir with whisk til thick and smooth ( if too thick add milk to your desired thickness)
5. After your sauce is thick and smooth remove from heat
6. Add tuna,salt and pepper
7. Place back on heat for 3min
8. Place egg noddles in a lightly greased bottom casserole dish
9. Add Tuna Sauce over egg noddles
10. If you chose to add broccoli add it here
11. Stir together
12. Place cracker crumbs on top
13. Place in preheated 350degree over for 15min
14. Let cool slightly

ENJOY!!!