Merry Christmas with a Sincere Smile

You know every year for the past 11 years I have been so depressed come Christmas morning. Either I was depressed because I was all alone with no one to sit up late with to wrap Christmas presents or cuddle up to Christmas morning and watch the kids open their gifts. Or, I was lying in the bed crying because I wasn't able to afford to buy the kids gifts at all or all that they wanted for Christmas.  Christmas hasn't been a very pleasant holiday for me for many years.

BUT NOT THIS YEAR!!!

I started off being a little down that this was year number 11 ALONE. My kids leave every Christmas morning and spend most of the day with their father and his family and I am home all alone. But who cares(shrugs shoulders and smiles). I am happy and healthy. My kids are happy and healthy as well as my family and friends.  Then, I was a little down that I couldn't get all of what my kids wanted but, I just said Thank you Lord for what I AM ABLE to get them!Underneath the Christmas tree won't be empty. I got up this morning and watched my kids open their gifts and smile, they were so happy! They weren't expecting much but they weren't expecting to get what they got either :-)TING! What I love about my kids and my relationship is that I am open and honest with them about things happening in our lives and they are understanding.  Yes, they get a little down because they don't have all of what their friends have but, they are grateful for what I can provide for them. The most AWESOME part is when I step aside and stop worrying and truly hand things over to God, HE PROVIDED!!! Family and friends stepped in to help make things possible for my babies! I am eternally grateful. All morning I have been thanking God for what he has done for us.

This week has been very trying but I didn't lose FAITH. Can you believe it? I didn't lose FAITH! Normally, I would just give up go to my room and cry and ask God why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? BUT NOT THIS YEAR! This year I am smiling and dancing in my kitchen floor praising God for what he blessed me with this year and seeing the blessing in the ALL small things! He truly has made a way out of NO WAY this week, month and year for me. I danced in the kitchen while I sung " Can't nobody, do me like Jesus. Can't nobody, do me like the Lord. Can't nobody do me like Jesus cause he's my friend!" Woo THANK YA JESUS!

The BEST Christmas ever started on Friday. I received the news that I was approved to host my dream of Fabulously Fit at the Charles Young Community Center for FREE January 11,2014. Next, I received an unexpected message from a Humana Representative wanting to be a part of the Fabulously Fit event! THANK YOU LORD! Then, I thought I was going to experience some even harder times. I prepared my kids and the house for the worst and guess what? GOD came through ON TIME and all is well! Then, I was down about not too many Christmas gifts under the tree for my kids. But, my family and friends sent things I didn't know were coming and gave without asking anything in return. My kids were blessed any how and I was PROUD for once for what I COULD do and not sad about what I couldn't. My kids were so excited to see me open my gifts from them that they either made for me or bought for me with their own money. They enjoyed seeing me smile on Christmas as much as I did them! They even took pride in buying for each other! My mother is alive and well. She has even managed to lose 25 pounds in four months! All her numbers a GOOD! Doctor is impressed and told her to keep it up and she was even happy and wants to keep losing weight! Last but not least, I was blessed with a second job! That I actually enjoy and it works perfect for my weird schedule. How can I not be happy this Christmas!

Through my studying and wisdom from my spiritual mother, I have found that by me constantly focusing on what I don't have or can't afford and all the other negative stuff,that is what I keep attracting in my life. So, I have been making a very conscious effort to focus on what I DO HAVE and being grateful for what I have been blessed with and more of those blessings have been brought into my life. When I find myself saying I can't afford this or that. I change the thought to," I will get it later just not right now and that is ok." It doesn't make me a failure because I can't run out and buy the things I want or even need. It just means I need to come up with a better way of getting to what I want and need or sitting still and let God bring it to me in due time whichever way he/she decides they want me to receive it. I have even learned that it doesn't make me a failure or weak to ask for help. We all need help sometimes and there are people willing to help when they know you are trying. THANK YOU to ALL of you that have been there for me and my kids! We appreciate you beyond words.

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Fabulously Fit " Where Loving Yourself FIRST is perfectly healthy."

Fabulously Fit " Where loving yourself FIRST is perfectly healthy." 

Fabulously Fit is an event to invoke a fun, positive and lasting lifestyle change for the community. To introduce to people the different avenues of fitness workouts that I have used in my weight loss journey. Those avenues being: Aerobics, DAFRI fitness, Zumba and Boot camp. I want to feature and introduce to the community the amazing LOCAL instructors that teach these classes and have inspired me to keep pushing forward!

So what is in store for the community? Six different instructors teaching their classes. Each instructor will have a 20 minute showcase their class. Then, we will have the wonder Neil Burns as guest speaker. Neil is from Richmond, Ky. and has lost over 400 pounds! He will share his story. There will be a photographer on hand to start you off on your before and after photos and Lexington's very own Chris Hudson will be on hand with his Life's Journey clothing line.

The instructors include:
Krisi Sexton - Tai Chi
Felicia Walker- Zumba
Jason Thompson- DAFRI Dance Fitness(DAFRI meaning " Dance Free"
Mark Johnson - Aerobics
Marvin Robinson & Willie Mays - Bootcamp
 AND
Neil Burns - Guest Speaker
Shawn Connor- Connor Photography
Chris Hudson- Life's Journey Clothing
Paige Commodore- Humana Community Health Education


WHEN: January 11,2014
WHERE: Charles Young Community Center
TIME: 10am-12noon
COST: FREE! FREE! FREE! FREE!

The back story:
A few months back I was at work and this great idea popped into my head. I was scribbling down my ideas on a piece of paper and took it to my best friend LaToya and asked her what she thought. She said she thought it was a great idea and would really be a hit! Plus, she liked how I was thanking my instructors and giving back to the community. I am the type of person that feels like you can never thank a person too much for what they have done for you. I always keep the mind set that people don't "have" to do anything for you, so when they do you should totally appreciate it, because I meant enough to you for you to do something for me!

Anyway, the idea came that I wanted to put together an event that would say THANK YOU to ALL the instructors that have supported me in my weight loss journey and it would answer the question to many whom have asked, "What did you do to lose the weight?" "Where do you go?", "Who teaches that class?"
I know how it is to want to lose the weight and can not afford the gym memberships each month so you get discouraged. I want to present to the community the LOCAL instructors that have classes that are AFFORDABLE and they are WONDERFUL, CARING, SUPPORTIVE people to help keep you motivated and on the right path and I wanted to do this FOR FREE!
So, I put in a call to a local entrepreneur, CEO and founder of Life's Journey clothing Chris Hudson and asked," How do I make this happen? You started with a dream can you give me advice on how to go about this?" And he did! I am so grateful that he took the time out oh his busy day to give little ole me some direction. THANK YOU Chris!

So once I wrote down my ideas as Chris advised and I kept them close to my heart until I was really ready to act. Things started to shift a bit so I put the idea aside but it kept coming back over and over and over again. Finally, one day I decided OK! this isn't going to leave me alone so God MUST be trying to tell me something! So, I went for it. I started by contacting the instructors and asking if they would volunteer their time and each agreed. I jumped the first hurdle. Then, I needed to put my ideas neatly in a proposal so that I could find a space to have this event. Done! Next, was presenting the proposal. FAIL! I was turned down. I was hurt and said I was going to keep moving and try someone else but in reality I set the proposal aside and kinda gave up. Allowing the negative thoughts to creep in and tell me that my dream would never come to pass. But then I read something that Tyler Perry said,"You can get a thousand no's from people, and only one "yes" from God." God was giving my "yes" with the idea all i needed to do was step out on faith and he would take care of the rest. Sometimes I think God will throw the no's in there to see just how bad you really want it. So, I did a redraft of the proposal and took it somewhere else.

I am so excited to say that on Friday December 20,2013 at 3:22pm I got a voicemail from Debbie Griggs at Charles Young Community Center that said..."YES" OMG! I am so excited my dream is coming true!

I hope to see you there and bring your friends and family with you and start the New Year off right by adapting and living a healthy lifestyle!

Accepting my Curves

" All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."~
 Marilyn Monroe

Today was a FAB-U-LOUS day for me! Not because I won the lottery or anything. It was because I woke up feeling pretty with a smile on my face ready to take on the day, whatever came my way I was going to greet it with my FMDS, Fabulous Million Dollar Smile! :-)TING!

 As I got dressed to go to work this morning I felt so pretty. I even had my son take a picture of me. On my way to work I had to laugh at myself in the car because I found it truly amazing how adorning my body in basic black and these wonderful accessories had changed my whole attitude about myself for a moment. How I walked with my head up, chest out and eyes with pride. There was a certain rhythmic sway in my walk and I wanted to smile and greet everyone! I can not express how pretty I felt and here it is 7:30pm and I am STILL smiling and feeling pretty.So today I did as my spiritual advisor tells me when I feel this way,I " Bottle up this feeling so when you are feeling down or people aren't on your side you can pull this out and remember how gooood it felt."

There aren't many days I feel this way. I always see the negative in myself and the physical flaws( fat rolls, hanging skin, stretch marks,etc.) but not today! Today, I saw a beautiful young woman. A woman that had a lot to offer to the world. As I drove to work this random thought came across my mind how women compare themselves to other women. In this particular thought, how women compare themselves to the ex's new girl or the one he cheated on them with. What is the first thing women say?,"She ain't even cute! He could've at least upgraded. She don't even look like nothin''. Then, we proceed to critique her hair,clothes, how she talks, walks and acts.  But it dawned on me that the men aren't seeing her that way. No, she may not be as cute as you are or dress as well as you, but it is all in how she carries herself. That confidence is something sexy! Think about it, every woman wants a confident man. A man who KNOWS who he is and what he brings to the table and KNOWS he has the finest woman in town and he has her mind,body and soul so he doesn't have to worry about no other man stealing her away from him! So what does he attract? The woman who is confident, her head is up (but not stuck up), she cares about how she presents herself and carries herself as a lady and she KNOWS what she brings to the table and if you don't like it please feel free to get up from her table so someone else can appreciate what she has to offer. Yes, physical attraction plays a part in all this but the confidence is what draws you in.  She/he can be the most beautiful thing that God created but if they lack that self confidence you tend to turn away from them and then say,"Man she cute and all but that's all she is." Or, "Girl he is fine but he doesn't have that umf to him,you know what I mean?" Their lack of confidence doesn't make you want to get to know them better or even be around them even more.

I have a sister friend that thinks she is the Sh*T! and you can't tell her otherwise. When she walks past a mirror or even a window she watches herself until she can't anymore and then proceeds to walk with her head up and switchin' so hard you would think she is going to throw her hip out! But I LOVE that about her. I always said,"I wish I could have just an ounce of your confidence, I would be one bad woman." She always laughs at me and says,"Ms. Shuntella I don't know why you don't you are a very beautiful woman." But see I don't see what she sees. I see with negative eyes. I see fat rolls, big thighs and back fat. Things I feel that need to be fixed in order for people to see me as pretty. My disillusional eyes.

After playing dress up for this new job I found a new appreciation and acceptance of the body I am in. I realized I will NEVER be model skinny, that's just not in my DNA. I have embraced my thick thighs,big calves and full hips. That is how God made me. BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE my curves. There are women out there that wish they had what I was wishing to get rid of. And there is a man that KNOWS I am the finest woman in town, at least in his eyes and KNOWS what I bring to the table. Why? Because I KNOW I may not be the finest woman in town but I will sho'nuff give the finest a run for her money honey! and what I bring so to the table is God sent and has been worked on and continues to be a work in progress!

Facebook Junkie

"Do you need everyone's eyes just to be seen? Look inside and find that beautiful person. Once you see how beautiful and wonderful you are so will everyone else and you won't need their eyes to see you."~ Shuntella Whitfield written June 22,2010 as a morning affirmation to family and friends via text.

As I am peeling back these layers of negativity about myself  the question was presented to me as to why I feel the need to be on facebook so much?Why do I need to share so much? What does facebook do for me?

Wow! Those were darn good question! Here is what I sat with and came to terms with.

Why do I feel the need to be on facebook so much?

Well, the surface answer; some of it is because I am bored. My kids are getting older and have friends they would rather talk to or hang out with so I just get on facebook. I am an open person and I like to share things with people. I want to keep in contact with my friends and family and share with and in what is going on in our lives.I greatly do enjoy seeing and sharing family pictures and accomplishments of my family and friends it keeps me close to them.

The dig deeper answer: 
Because I have a low self esteem. Plain and simple. I feel like my family and friends are doing better than I am so I subconsciously get on to live vicariously through them. To see how I measure up. I want to see if I'm really as big of a disappointment as I think I am compared to my peers.

Why do I need to share so much?

 I want confirmation from my peers that I am doing well. It is like being a little kid seeking your parents approval for doing something good. "See ya'll! See what I did? Did I do good? Huh? Did I?" and waiting for the number of likes to go up and feeling a great disappointment when they don't. Wondering why? How or what did I or not do to get this outcome? Crazy, I know but this is my thought process. To take it a little further, I get to the point where I look to see if the person(s) I admire the most have liked my status(Not going to mention their names). Then, there is a GREAT excitement when you see them actually LIKE my status. I literally jump for joy sometimes or get tremendously overjoyed on the inside. I swear to God this is the truth. I feel so proud. It's like that instant gratification that I am did something right. "They like it! They really, really like it!". This all is rooted in childhood issues of needing to be accepted.

Another reason is to say,"See I'm not a f@&* up!" a "Ah ha in your face!" kinda deal. For those who have laughed and talked behind my back this is the moment I can shine and PROVE I am the S@!#! Look at me now! You thought I was going to fail but I didn't! At these moments I don't really care about the likes because it wasn't about seeking approval it was/is about saying "I got the last laugh. Now go run tell that!"

Once I got to the point where my self esteem became a little bit stronger the post/sharing became more about empowering others. I made it this far let me stretch my hand to you and help you up. I don't care about the likes now. It is about putting the information and lessons out there to inspire or help someone who doesn't have the voice to speak out. The person who is hurting and doesn't see a way out. I want to use this particular social media to say,"There is a way out of the dark. Let me show you." It isn't going to be without pain but it can be done!


What does Facebook do for me?

It is my shadow feeder. After taking a little break from facebook and reflecting on these questions, facebook just feeds my shadows and demons. It is my outside stimulation to feel good about myself.  When the truth of the matter is I should feel good about myself regardless of what people think of me! Either way it goes somebody, somewhere will have something to say about me whether it is good or bad. Yes, I prefer it to be all good, who doesn't? But let's be honest here there is ALWAYS a hater ready to throw 2 billion pounds of salt in your game! The thing is I need to find that balance between being humble and confident and not needing other people eyes to see how wonderful I am! This is the part I am working on real hard Learning to Love me Inside and Out!

I share this stuff in a blog not to seek approval,but to help someone else. I have come to experience that there are a lot of people like me but either they are in denial about it, they feel alone or they don't have anyone to talk to about what they are feeling. Well hell I will do it for you! It is what it is! If I can put myself out there in order to help someone else then I will! Because guess what? that is the type of person I am! If I eat, you eat! If I have, you have. What is the point of growing and learning and then keeping all this growth to yourself?!

There are a lot of Facebook stalkers. The ones that go to personal pages just to see what people are doing and saying so they can have conversation at the water cooler at work because they don't have a life. Good! Run tell this! I am putting my own s#@$ on blast. It isn't to appease you and could care less to whom you call or text about this blog and the contents therein. This is about ME healing me and not allowing my demons to be feed anymore. I want them to starve and die! In the process of my own healing I am helping kill someone elses demons. Hell, I just may be assisting in healing yours! :-) and that's cool too!

So, with all that being said feel free to delete me if this offended you. Feel free to never like another status post ever again. It's cool. I am beautiful. I matter to me. I am worthy of love. I AM LOVE! with or without facebook.

Yesterday's workout:

Treadmill:
Level 4
Leg shaper
30 minutes
2.6 miles ran
396 calories burned

Elliptical:
20 minutes
2.5miles
257 calories burned

Lifting:
worked on back

So, this is what healing feels like?

"Dear God, teach me to love myself beyond the distorted perceptions and false beliefs I have created about myself." ~ Iyanla Vanzant


The last few weeks have been full of pain, re-living hurt feelings from my past and dealing with pain that isn't even mine. I have made terrible decisions in my life. Things that can't be undone, but they are lessons none the less. Through pain there is growth if you allow it.

I have spent 37 years of my life living and feeding the dark shadows inside me. They are shadows of lies I have self imposed and things so called friends and family have said about me at one time or another in my life that I accepted into my heart as TRUTH. By not dealing with these issues of the years I have let things fester in one form or another,be it over eating, not eating,or depression. None of it has been healthy for me. I am at a place in my life where I MUST face my demons and step away from the shadow into the light.


I am at a point in my life where I want to heal and grow and walk in my magnificent light, but I am afraid. What terrifies me is this life of pain, self doubt and feeling like I don't matter to myself or anyone else.This is the only life I know, if I let go of this old life and way of thinking what will I do?What do I do without it?
Who am I, really? What if the new me doesn't like me? What kind of people will I attract into my life and will my kids, family and friends accept me? What if I fail? People will laugh and talk about me, again.

I sat down one day and wrote a list of the lies I have told myself and the hurtful things people have said about me over the years. The list came to a total of twenty-five. I sat with this list for a little bit and put it away. One day, on my way home from a movie I had a breakdown/break through. I cried all the way home.I cried and screamed cried and cried and cried some more. I cried and screamed to the point I made myself sick. As I sat there on my knees with my face in the toilet I cried some more between the purging sessions. When I finally got up, my stomach felt light and it was pulsating. For those of you who do or don't know anything about chakra's the stomach area is your third chakra that deals with self esteem, personal power and will. Exactly what I have been working on healing! which explains my stomach feeling light and pulsating.
 As I got up from the floor I looked in the bathroom mirror at my red face,swollen eyes and thought to myself...I'm beautiful. Despite what I look like right now I am beautiful.  I went back to my bedroom and laid across the bed and was exhausted, but yet I cried some more. You know what I wanted to do so bad? Run to my daddy's arms and cry in his arms. Never felt like that before. I didn't go to him I just stayed in bed and eventually fell asleep.

There is nothing like dealing with all this hurt and pain and feeling so alone with no one to talk to. Although, I am blessed to have two ladies that have been guiding me through this.

Going back to this Lie List I wrote. After all the purging I just did, I decided I had to let go of the lies or I will never heal and move on. So, I set fire to the list! Yep!  Burn baby burn! They no longer own a place in my heart or mind. I watched them burn and I released ALL the hurt and pain.  I have now replaced that list with a 30 day Appreciation list. For 30 days I will write down what I appreciate about myself. I am replacing the self hatred, doubt, feeling worthless, like I don't matter to anyone and undeserving of life's blessings with ALL THE GOOD there is within me! I have written eight little affirmations and taped them to my mirror:
1) I am beautiful.               (5) I am worthy.
2)I am love.                      (6) I matter.
3)I am God.                      (7) I deserve to be happy.
4) I am whole.                   (8) I am worthy of love.
  They are there so that I remind myself EVERYDAY how beautiful I am inside and out. This is what healing is about. It isn't easy and God knows it is painful but I will rather hurt now and heal than spend the rest of my life and future lives in pure misery.

Painful but worth it!

Yesterday's work out numbers 11/18/13:
4sets of 5 assisted pull ups
5sets of 10 squats with 25pound weight.
Elliptical for 20minutes
2.64 miles
Level 3
285calories burned

After two days of doing my nemesis of pull ups it HURTS and is VERY difficult to raise my arms above my head! My biceps hurts. My deltoids and triceps(shoulder and arm muscles) hurt. My latissimus dorsi (back muscles around rib area) hurts. My thighs hurt so bad it is difficult to stand up! I woke up this morning at 5am holding my ribs and cursing. I know this will all pay off when I get that beautiful V in my back! Not to mention the definition in my arms and it help strenghten my abdominal muscles.
 I honestly can't wait til I can do them alone. Practice makes perfect! If there is no pain, then I'm not working hard enough!
My poor trainer Willie had to listen to me whine about my hands hurting from the four callouses I now have! Plus, I was whining about how painful and hard it was to pull myself up and then having to go back down. Willie was just there to help assist me back up. He laughed at me but let me know he has assisted grown men doing pull ups! My daughter was laughing but yet saying "you can do it mommy!" She took the pictures. I tell you what as much as I wanted to give up I had to keep going because I didn't want to throw in the towel while she was there what kind of example would that set for her? But I tell you I'm feeling it today!  I'M PROUD OF MYSELF!
I took today off but I will be back at it tomorrow! No rest for those whom wish to compete in the NPC physique division next year! GO HARD!

Freeze It!

Yesterday's workout numbers November 18,2013:
 I only had 1 hour to spare(had to pick my daughter up from colorguard practice, a mother's work is NEVER done) so I had to GET IT IN fast and GO HARD!
So excited I did assisted pull ups yesterday!
4 sets of 5, my hands are killing me I am developing callouses on my hands :-(
Then, I ran on the treadmill.
SETTING:
 leg shaper
 level 4
 15 minutes
 burned 216 calories!

I know a lot of you have issues about buying fresh produce and worrying about it going bad before you get a chance to use it. FREEZE IT! Yep! What I have learned to do is invest in some half gallon or one gallon freezer bags(you can wash and reuse them at least 6 times) and freeze my produce.

I just recently purchased a pineapple on sale brought it home peeled it and cut it up into chunks and in the bag to the freezer it went for when I am ready to make smoothies with it. It is cheaper to do it this way as well! A fresh pineapple on sale was $1.99 a frozen bag was $3.48!  

 

You can do the same with any fruit! I also have done it with watermelon.

If you are anything like my daughter and I we like to just eat pieces of frozen pineapples sometimes as a snack.When you freeze it in small portions you can take out only what you need.  You don't even have to unthaw it when you are ready to use it in your smoothie. Just drop it right on in your blender! As a caution when it comes to watermelon I advise that you lower the amount of liquid you add to your smoothie because when blended watermelon adds extra water itself on top of being frozen. Another great thing about freezing is, it has a shelf life in your freezer for 3-6months. Therefore, you can buy fresh fruits when they are in season and freeze them so that you can have them throughout the year! Surprisingly, you can freeze bananas! I have seen people just put the whole banana in the freezer peel and all but, the problem with that is when you go to peel it you're not really sure if you are removing the whole peel because the banana will turn a dark brown/black color. I prefer to slice and freeze. They will turn slightly brown but they are still good!

With vegetable most freeze very well cooked or raw, although I have found that  raw baby spinach gets a wilted look to it. It has the appearance like it has gone bad while frozen but it hasn't. I still do it for the purpose of using it in my green smoothie because it doesn't matter how it looks it's just going to be blended up anyway! If you decide that you want to cook your vegetables first then freeze them PLEASE make sure that you allow them to cool COMPLETELY before putting them in your freezer bag and freezing them. If you place them in the freezer before they are completely cool you run the risk of bacteria growing from the bag being closed up and sweating creating a warm environment for bacteria to grow and spoiling the food because it went from hot to cold so quickly. 

Hope this has encouraged you to go out to your local Farmer's Market and get you fresh produce and freeze it! 

Take a moment to go to the Lexington Farmer's Market website to find out where the closest one is to you and their times www.lexingtonfarmersmarket.com Or find your local farmer's market website where you live and pay then a visit I'm sure they will LOVE to see you!

Reflection: A Reminder To Self

For Osunlade; Thanks for the encouragement.

"If I didn't define myself for myself,  I would be crushed into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."~ Audre Lorde

Reflection: A Reminder To Self
written by: Shuntella Sweat-Whitfield

I am a warm beautiful smile.
I am dimples.
I am laughter.
I am free spirited.
I am smart.
I am loving.
I am caring.
I am supportive.
I am strong willed.
I am determined.
I am created in his image.
I am a Goddess.
I am a Beautiful Goddess.
I am me.

Who are you to try to take away pieces of me or attempt to take away ALL of what I am to cage me into a simple box of simplicity?
To mold me into who you think I should be, how I should act, feel and think.

I AM an inspiration.
I AM fun.
I AM Me.
I LOVE me and ALL of my infinite perfections and imperfections.
I am greater than I think I can be.
I am trying to be as great as God said...
I AM.

Rest assure I will live each day as if I have reached my goal.
I will make myself and others proud of the woman,mother and friend I have become,
so that when I ascend from this earth we all are proud in knowing not only I am these things
but I grew into so many more.

God's Plan: All In Preparation

Over a year ago I started this weight loss journey and it wasn't easy and still isn't. Although, I was very determined that I was going to make it happen. Determination is one of the fine qualities I love about myself. When I make up my mind to do something, nothing and no one is going to stop me! Not even my health :-) I must admit that determination can turn into and be viewed as being hard headed but hey, I got goals to reach and I can't let stuff stand in my way, right? It has now been two weeks since my pacemaker surgery and I feel GREAT! I mean I felt the difference as soon as the pain went away. I feel even more vibrant and like I can take on the world! That is when Dr. Lamiy takes me off these darn restrictions! lol.

I went in for my post op check up yesterday. Dr. Lamiy was very pleased with how I was healing and I should have very little scarring. My pacemaker is functioning as it should. They did a little adjusting to the rhythm and I could feel it beating (weird feeling)but, Dr. Lamiy said it was normal and I would get used to it and I have. My restrictions are STILL in place. NO zumba, aerobics, weight lifting,running or vigorous activities.:-( Although I did get him to give in to walking to a light jog. :-)

 Today I finally got back into the gym! I went Monday all excited and dressed ready to see Purple Rain, Marvin, Mrs. Vanessa and Get It In! but, when I got there at 5:55pm they told me they were closing early at 6pm! Not happy. I missed Tuesday because I was trying to teach my 11 year old son and 13 year old daughter how to cut grass, since that is considered a vigorous activity I can't. So, I make it today at 5:30pm and there is a note they are closing at 6:30pm! What! Really? Mind you William Wells Brown Community Center gym normal hours are 5-9pm Monday -Friday. Different stuff going on so the director decided to close the weight room early :-( Anyway, I got in there and got on that treadmill and set it on 30 minutes, Leg shaper mode, Level 5 with incline adjusting between 1.5-6, speed on 4(which is a nice fast pace)and I got to movin'!!! I can't put into words how wonderful it felt to workout. I was literally starting to get depressed because I felt good and was restricted. I completed my workout on the treadmill with these numbers:
30 minutes 
2.05 miles walked
245 calories burned 
  Then, with 15 minutes left until the gym closed I got on the stationary bike and did;
Level 8, hills 
58 calories burned 
2.8miles rode 
 Woot!Woot! I feel GREAT! I can't wait to go back tomorrow!

 I have had a lot of time to sit and think about things and reflect. What I understand now is this, that year of weight loss and losing 72 pounds and healing from the inside out was all in God's plan. Over a year ago I wasn't in a healthy place at all. But, through spiritual healing through the drum with Joan and then the physical healing through zumba,running etc. it was preparing my body for what it was about to undertake on April 17, 2013.

 God knew what I needed to do beforehand to get ready for this moment. The spiritual was to prepare my mind and believe and know God was going to bring me through and to loose my ego and pride so that I could allow friends and family to help me and even to be strong enough to cope with those that haven't been there like I thought they would be,Oh well.

 Physically, the running,zumba,aerobics and weight lifting was preparing my body for a quick and healthy recovery. I recently posted on my Facebook status that "I wish I knew and understood God's plan for me. It would make it so much easier to accept and understand." I didn't know then but I understand God's plan now!

 Thank you God. Thank You Universe. Thank you My Enlightened Ancestors for your love, support and guidance through this all!

Sprinting towards the Light!

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health-food,people,things,situations and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is Love of self~ Charlie Chaplin Today hasn't been the best so far. Full of tears,hurt,purging and questions. I had to pull out my book of positive morning quotes I send to my friends and family each morning at 8am. Had to remind myself what I had been through and come through and the person it has made me. Sometimes we have to take a step back, momentarily, and see how far we have come! I told a dear friend yesterday after she asked how I was feeling since the surgery."I feel great! Everything that I have been through was in preparation for this moment." I probably wouldn't have made it if I was in the unhealthy place I was almost 2years ago. My mind,body and soul was sick. I had to heal those things first so that I could be strong enough to weather this storm. Some of people feel like I'm strong but I don't want to be strong all the time. I want to vulnerable. I want to be held. I want to cry in someone's arms and have them reassure me that this to shall pass. Being "strong" is over rated. Today a very dear friend gave me the most inspiring and soothing words of encouragement that I desperately needed. It read as follows: Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy-the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.~Brene' Brown Thank you Marcus. I must stop looking back in the darkness the light is just ahead and I got my running shoes on and sprinting my way towards it!

It's Been Awhile

Wow! It has been awhile since I last wrote on my blog. Let's see I believe when I last wrote I had just finished the UMC(Urban Mountain Challenge). I had decided to pursue my dream and enter a body building competition come fall. Well, things have changed since February. Training was going so well. Willie had me running the treadmill on level 5,speed 7 and walking on 5(a jog) for 30minutes. I was burning over 400calories a day doing that. Marvin had me lifting weights with light and heavy weeks. Heavy weeks consisted of heavier weights (got up to 15pounds) with less reps. I was beginning to lift my own body weight with push up and working on doing pull up. Light lifting weeks were lighter weights (about 10-12pounds) with more reps. Rob was working my abs. I am seeing the definition come up in my body and waist getting smaller, down to a size 8/10! 34inch waist. Booty is right and tight. I started drinking green smoothies, spinach or kale, mixed with fruits; such as mangos,pineapple,apples,blueberries and almond milk. My goal was/is to do this ALL natural,meaning no protein shakes and pills. I want to challenge my body and see just how far my body would go on it's own and I was doing pretty good. If you noticed I am switching back and forth between past and present tenses. It's not because my English is that bad,it's because things have altered my goals temporarily. 6months ago I tried to be a participant in an experimental drug for my seizures. Part of the testing required I do psychiatric questioning and a heart test. A side effect of the drug was a possible heart problem so you had to do a EKG beforehand. Well, I was rejected. Why? Because they found that my heart at some point was stopping. I had no clue. I felt nothing different, I felt wonderful! I have lost 72 pounds on my own and was feeling good, looking good and loving and healing me. My neurologist sent me to a cardiologist. He was amazed I was walking around and not feeling a thing and doing the things I had been doing( zumba,running,climbing stairs,lifting weights) and not passed out. I was amazed and in complete awe by what he was saying to me. The cardiologist then tells me I need a pacemaker. What?! Have you lost your mind?! I'm 36years old! I'm healthy. My response to him was simple, "No!" If you only saw this on one test I'm not doing it I don't care what you say. He goes on to say he wants to run more test which would require me to wear two heart monitors. The first was for two weeks. I had those sticky pads in five different places on my body;one my heart,three on my left side under my breast/rib area and one up by my collar bone right side. They test reviled nothing. Then, I had to wear another for a month,again nothing. Healthy. Then, he decided I needed to do a Echo/Stress test. I had to go to the hospital and run on the treadmill as long as I could with the techs increasing the speed every so often. The highest it went to I believe was 12. I made 11! Then, I had to quickly jump off and have dye put in my IV so they could take pictures of my heart to see if there were any blockage or other issues. Nothing. Healthy. Cardiologist tells me if this happened once it will happen again! He says," I don't even think your having seizures it's your heart. Your heart is stopping and then starting again and throwing your body in shock so it's appearing to be a seizure." He explains the only way to fix it is to put the pacemaker in. I still say "No" I'm healthy otherwise,I'm not doing it. The next day after the stress test I pass out on my kitchen floor. As a mother, you know how it goes, despite how you feel you MUST keep going! No excuses. I have kids to take care of and a sick mother I need to tend to. Plus, I have a goal to reach and nothing is going to stop me! That was six months ago. The past month I have been experiencing chest pains when I was doing nothing but sitting still. Literally, sitting watching tv, the chest pains were tight enough to make me cough I was trying to catch my breath. So, I go back to Cardiologist and tell him what is going on, they run another heart test in the office and they we what saw 6months ago. He again tells me I need the pacemaker and if I don't do it the symptoms will get worst and I run the risk of just passing out while driving or worst. I agreed to the pacemaker. That was on a Monday April 8,2013 surgery was scheduled for Wednesday April 17,2013 at 6am at St.Joseph Hospital. Shocked. Scared. What if I die? Ways going to happen to my kids? I don't want to leave my kids. I wasn't worried about me, I was worried about my kids. I came home and sat my 13year old daughter and 11year old son down and told them what was going on with me. I don't sugar coat things for my kids I explained exactly what was going to happen to them. They took it well. My daughter said," We will just pray about it and let God handle it. Your going to be ok mommy." And gave me a hug. My son, asked if I was going to die. I said ,"no" and was praying I was telling the truth. We talked for about an hour about"what ifs" and how long I would be in the hospital, surprisingly it was only overnight. I got my ducks in a row. Got my little brother to come stay with them at my house for that one night. I told some friends and family what was going on. My wonderful drum sister,friend and fellow mother Elizabeth Beck jumped in and prepared food for my babies to eat for days and we eat lasagna and chicken and rice for days and it was so good! The day of the surgery my sister-in-law picked up me and one of my older brothers,who was going to stay at the hospital with me during surgery and we headed off. Surgery took about an hour. They found the upper chamber of my heart stopped working causing my lower chamber to work harder which was the pain I was feeling. A dual pacemaker was put it on my right side(since I'm left handed, they put the pacemaker in on your nondominate side) There are leads that run to my heart to the upper and lower chambers,hence dual pacemaker. To set my rhythms in synch with one another. and I was out the next day. I am on restriction of no vigorous activities for 6-8weeks. So, that means I can't do what I love to do for awhile. No drumming. No running. No lifting. I am not happy about it but I understand I have to heal. Therefore, I have reset my body building competition has been reschedule for next year! I have not been to the gym in over a week now and I am dying to get there! Let me tell you about my William Wells Brown workout family! Purple Rain, Mrs. Tracy,Marvin,Rob,Mrs. Vanessa and Katrina have called sent messages came to see me in the hospital and is keeping a sister in prayer and can't wait for me to get back. I tell you they have made me feel so loved and showed me what I mean to them. Wow! I love,love,love you guys so very much! To everyone that has called,texted me, stopped by to see me,offered to help me, I love you and appreciate you so very much and it means so much to me! To my family Thank You so much for being there for me. Come Monday I'm back to work and back to the gym! Ain't no stopping me for real. I can not undo all the hard work I put into myself. I will continue to heal physically and mentally and spirtually!

Urban Mountain Challenge

Well,Well,Well! I set my goal to take on the Urban Mountain Challenge AGAIN this year. My goal was to SMASH my last year time of 00:11:47.0, that's 11 minutes 47 seconds. You know, when you set yourself a goal you must put in place a PLAN to reach the said goal. That is exactly what I did. I went over to William Wells Brown Community Center and spoke to the trainers about my goal and was instructed to work with Robbie (Robert Martin). Rob(as we call him for short) is a former track and field athlete. His workouts were designed to build my leg muscles and core so that I could use my legs to push up the steps more effectively. A few times we even went down to the Financial Building, also known as the 5th 3rd bank building or Big Blue building to train.
During the Christmas break when the Community center was closed for two weeks we ran the steps,walked the steps, we went up so many floors, came down stopped did push ups, then down some more floors then more push up. We tried different methods of me getting up the steps faster like skipping steps(which my legs were to short for that and it was much harder!). Rob would ask me to pick a floor number, I would say,"17" he would then pick a floor,"25". He would say,"Ok, we are not going to stop til we get to floor 17, we aren't going to run up to that floor but keep an nice steady pace til we reach that floor. Once we reach 17 we take a second to catch our breathe then we go straight again til 25." Crazy right?! The first time 'bout killed me and him both! But we did it. The key was to keep pushing using your arms in a  pumping motion to push you on up the steps! When we reached the 25th floor we came back down the stairs backwards. This allowed for the stretching of our calf muscles. It was quite an experience.

This year the Urban Mountain Challenge was set up differently. Last year it was one building 29 floors 638 stairs. This year it was 50 stories, 2 building ( 5th 3rd bank building and the Central Bank building). This year they allowed teams, or an individual could run only one building (Central Bank at 22 floors), or an individual could run both buildings(50 floors). I opted to run one building! Next year I will maybe try for two :-)

As my daughter and Rob waited for me to complete the challenge on that VERY Cold Saturday morning at 8:30 am needless to say ALL the hard work that Rob and I put in, it paid off! I am so very PROUD to say on January 26,2013 I completed the Urban Mountain Challenge 1 tower climb in...
00:5:52.7!! That's 5 minutes and 52 seconds!!! 
Yes sir! I cut my time in half! I couldn't believe it! I told myself, if you can climb 17 floors without stopping you can add 6 more and keep pushing through without stopping! If you want this then...MAKE IT HAPPEN!

The scary part was that it almost didn't happen! When it came time for me to register I ran into some financial issues that weren't going to allow me to participate. I was very disappointed and felt like I was going to let a lot of people down that had been supporting me via Facebook, work and friends and family. I posted on Facebook that I wasn't going to be able to participate and man you should have seen all the comments of, "oh no! why not?", "Oh, I'm sorry to read this I know how hard you were working for this." It broke my heart. Then, I get this message in my inbox from a very dear friend that as,'when the money was due? and how much was it?' I responded that the money was due January 23rd and it was $45. Another message came,"I will bring you the money tonight." I was shocked! My friend went on to explain how proud they  were of me for what I had accomplished. They knew how much I wanted to do this and they wanted to make this happen for me. I was so humbled. I couldn't believe my little journey meant so much to someone else too. And not just this one person but to my dear friends all the way in Indiana!!! Yes, they even tried to surprise me by registering me online and getting the information from my daughter so they could do it because they knew if they told me they wanted to help I would say ,"no". Which is true.  I don't think I could EVER say this enough but I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS EVER! So publicly I say THANK YOU dear friends I love you so very much for making my dream come true! I pray one day I may be placed in YOUR path to make YOUR dreams come true as well.

So, if you got some time you can go to http://www.3wayracing.com and check out my time for yourself(for the haters) and you can see a video clip of myself and others climbing the steps in the Urban Mountain Challenge! If not here are a few photos my daughter snapped as I waited in line to take My Challenge!

Took right before leaving the house to go to the UMC.  Flash Lighting!

Calling all numbers between 101-155. That's me  #152
Side note: The guy next to me in the blue we talked the whole time about this challenge, another challenge and even doing a Mud Run! This was his first time.

Say cheese mommy!

Looking at the clock. I was suppose to go at 00: 8:38:00

Trainer Robert Martin aka Rob and I after the  UMC "We Hard"

Crazy "penitentiary" pose

My certificate of completion 00:05:52.7

I Amaze myself sometimes!

I usually hit the gym at 5 pm, but I was late getting there today because my daughter had color guard practice today at 6 pm. I DUG UP IN IT TODAY!! I can't believe my numbers myself , I shalt not make you wait any further. 

Thursday January 24,2013: Gym Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

Treadmill: 

• 420 calories burned in 30 minutes
• 2.88 miles
• level 4
• speeds 4-8
• incline 1.5-5

Leg workout:

Squat Machine: 

• 3 sets of 12 with 25#

Sumo Squats:

• 3 sets of 12 with 20# dumb bell

Lunges:

• 3 sets of 16 with #5 cow bells

Standing squats:

• 12 reps with 20#
• 12 reps with 50#
• 15 reps with #50

Upside down squats:

• 3 sets of 12 with 70#

Last but not least Willie's 4 minutes Ab workout

Food intake:

5am:

4 oz grilled chicken breast 1 egg white

8am:

1/2 cup oatmeal with raisins and 1 tablespoon honey

11am Lunch:

4 oz grilled chicken breast

baked sweet potato with 1 tablespoon of honey

1 cup of steamed broccoli

1pm Snack:

canned mandarin oranges and fresh strawberries

3pm Snack:

Greek yogurt with coca

 

Dinner:

baked tilopia

baked beans

spinach

Water Intake:

77 ounces

I bout passed out but I DID IT!!

Today was full sauna suit day! Well Shuntella what is Full Sauna Suit day? It is the wearing of a shorts, plastic pants with sweatpants on top. It is wearing a long sleeve dry fit shirt with a plastic shirt on top. YES! it is HOT!!! But there are goals to be met and no time for crying. Ok, maybe a few tears and "Willie I can't go anymore." "Willie, your killing me." "Willie I am hot!", " Ok I can do this." I think that was all I said! lol
Any who, here's how my numbers look for January 23,2013:

Treadmill (FULL Sauna Suit): 30 min. 2.8 miles 400 calories burned
Bike(no sauna suit): 20 min. level 7, hill workout, 3.76 miles, 137 calories burned

Lifting Workout: Shoulders
Shoulder press: 3 sets of 15 7.5 weights
Free weight lifts: weights 10#( 15x's), 25#(10x's), 45#( 5x's) then going back down 45# at 5,25# at 10 and 10# at 15. Done twice.

Lower ab work.

Time in gym 2 hours

Food intake:
8am:

• 4 oz grilled chicken and 2egg whites
•  cup of coffee with creamer only
• canned pears

11am Lunch:

• Grilled chicken sandwich on 100% whole wheat High fructose free bread(2 slices), light salad dressing
• water
• pears

2pm Snack:

Oatmeal with 1 tablespoon pure honey and 1/2 cup raisins

Water intake:
69 oz

Urban Mountain Challenge/ Yesterday's numbers

Can you believe it,The Urban Mountain Challenge is THIS Saturday January 26,2013!
I am SUPER excited that I will be able to participate again this year.  For those of you that do not know what the Urban Mountain Challenge is it is a timed race to run up the stairs of the 5th 3rd bank building, which is 29 stories, 638 stairs in downtown Lexington, Ky. This year they have stepped the game up by adding another building, Central Bank building. That will now be a combined total of climbing 50 stories!! I, on the other hand WILL NOT be climbing both buildings. I will ONLY be climbing the 5th 3rd bank building to beat my last year time of 11 minutes 47 seconds! I totally amped!

So with all that being said I had my BMI(Body Mass Index) taken yesterday to see where I am at and where I need to be. Check out this link to better understand what BMI is www.cdc.gov and look up BMI.
Here are my numbers:
Height: 5ft 1 in.
Weight: 163.8
BMI: 31.0
Fat%: 33.6%
Fat Mass: 55.0 lb
FFM: 108.8 lb

Desirable Range:
Fat %: 21-33%
Fat Mass: 20.0-53.6 lb

Target Body Fat: 25%
Predicted weight 145.0 lb
Predicted fat mass: 36.2 lb
FAT TO LOSE: 18.8 LB
So, as you can see I am .6% from reaching a desirable Fat Percentage and 1.4 pounds from reaching a desirable Fat Mass. My FFM is muscle and I was told I want this number to stay the same or go up! This is ONE HAPPY CHICK!!! I was told I am healthy and keep up the good work! When I told Marvin, he gave me a high five and said," Now it's time to step it up!"

But, before getting these numbers Willie had already decided that I needed to step my game up YET AGAIN! He figures since his goal is to burn 400 calories on the treadmill guess what? I should too! So now this is my NEW goal to burn 400 calories in 30 minutes. I met AND exceeded my goal yesterday!
I did 2.8 miles in 30 minutes, burning 408 calories on level 4, on inclines 1.5-5.0, walking speed of 5, running speeds of 6-8. Woo lawd I was tired! But it is for the betterment of me so I am all on that!
 Yesterday was also my back workout day. So I did:

• lawn mowers with 15# weights with 3 sets of 20 reps
• Back pulls with 7.5# weights 3 sets of 20 reps
• another back workout not sure of it's name with 5# weights 3 sets of 20 reps.

I keep a handy dandy planner with me to write down all that I am doing and which body parts I am working and with how much weight so we can keep track of what I'm doing and weight lifted.
I LOVE MY TRAINERS!!!

FOOD INTAKE:
8am:
Oatmeal with pure honey and mandarin oranges
1 cup of coffee with creamer only
11 am Lunch:
Southwest chicken strips wrapped in half a burrito wrap with sweet potato fries and water (23 oz.)
2 pm Snack:
Southwest chicken strips and 2 egg whites scrambled
8 pm dinner:
1 salisbury steak, kraft mac and cheese and green beans and water(8 oz.)

My water consumption for the day was low. Only 54 oz. of water yesterday Boo! me :-( Gotta do better!
*23 oz were consumed during my workout*

It happens

Well, I must say I am disappointed in myself. I didn't go workout today I tried really hard to convince myself to get up,get dressed and go but I just didn't. It was pure laziness. It happens to even the seemingly strong. So I will share me meals for today. January 17,2013:
Morning Snack: 5:30am
Banana

Breakfast: 8am
Pure Granola with Almonds added 1/4 dates, 1/2 cup raisins and banana and Almond milk.

Snack: 10am
Grapes

Lunch: 11am
Baked tilopia,broccoli,rice pilaf, Fresh kiwi and strawberries

Snack: 4pm
Pure Granola with almonds,raisins and almond milk

Dinner: 8pm
4pieces of turkey Bacon and biscuit with pure honey.

Water consumed today:
32oz( 4cups)

Let's play catch up shall we!

So.... My last blog was in November when I announced my ambition/goal to enter a bodybuilding competition! Well almost 2 months later I'M STILL GOING STRONG!I hit the gym Monday through Friday generally for 2 hours(depending on if my kids have things going on). It is very challenging BUT I am seeing results!
 So let me introduce my trainers! Let's start with my first trainer Robert(Rob), now Rob is a little chocolate drop that LOVES to crack jokes and keep the workout fun. Currently, Rob is helping me with legs and abs. Rob is a graduate of the University of Kentucky and former track star. He is also helping prepare me for the Urban Mountain Challenge,which is next weekend.:-)!
 Then, there is Willie,he is tall,buff and has THE BEST personality with a killer smile and former baseball player. Now, Willie does most of my workouts which includes treadmill,elliptical,weight lifting and abs. Woo... That's a lot! Ya'll this man is pushing me EVERY day with a smile on his face,partly for encouragement and the other I think he enjoys pushing me and seeing me makes faces and moan in pain!Some of Willie's favorite words to me from time to time, " I'm going to go get you a piece of candy your looking a little pink we need to get your color back.", "Umm... Why are you holding on we don't do that here." and last but not least my favorite,"Don't cheat me out my money, I want ALL my money!" "money" being reps/time.
 Last but certainly not least is the big man,with pretty eyes and smile Marvin! Marvin is like the sergeant, being that has a military background. He keeps me motivated and pushes me when I feel like I'm done. He makes sure my diet is good and that I'm not pushing myself too much. Which, is easy to do when your going and feeling good, you feel unstoppable and confident. All three of these men are to a person who is trying to lose weight and keep it off a PERFECT DREAM TEAM!I love and appreciate them so very much! They make it fun,challenging and safe.
  So now about me, I had dropped 2 pounds weighing in at 161. As of yesterday I weighed in at 166 BUT I have lost 3 inches from my body! So I am gaining muscle! Yay! I am seeing definition slowly but surely.Willie has me running on the treadmill on the leg shaper setting which is like running up and down hills. I run on level 4,my highest incline being 5 and on speeds between 6-8(it changes as Willie sees fit) :-). I have recently added a FULL sauna suit+ to the workout on the treadmill. For those of you that don't know what a sauna suit is, it is a top and bottom made out of plastic that you wear to make you sweat more while you workout. I am wearing this to remove excess water from my body. I usually wear shorts,sauna bottoms,sweatpants,t-shirt,or long sleeve shirt to hold the sweat and sauna top. Right! It is VERY hot,sweaty and exhausting! I was wearing it everyday when I ran bu,t it was suggested that I wear it every other day to give my body a chance to recoup. Thank You Jesus! Oh! and I wear a belly band too!That is to help me sweat more around my stomach area. That is pretty much all of it I believe.
 I have learned how to blog from my phone so I can now keep my blogs updated I hope! My goal for here on out is to try and post what I ate for the day and my workout numbers of calories burned on what machines, for how long and other stuff. For those of you who are curious how it's really going down! lol
   So I will end this now with my workout numbers for yesterday and today. I'm so happy to be back.

  January 15,2013:
Treadmill(no sauna suit):400 calories burned on the treadmill in 30 minutes
Leg workout: 25# weight doing squats 3 sets of 15, 45# weight doing leg presses with bar 3 sets of 10
Thigh workout: 3 sets of 8.
 FAMOUS Willie's 4 minute non-stop ab workout:.

  January 16,2013:
Treadmill(full sauna suit):364 calories burned distance of 2.5 miles in 30 min.
Bike machine:184 calories burned distance 6.4 miles in 30 min.
Abs with Rob

 My measurements as of January 16,2013:
Chest:36
Waist:34.5
Hips: 34

Weight:166