Background History

Most asked question is,"What got you started to losing weight?" My answer is this: I have been through a lot in my 35yrs of life. Once I started working on healing the wounds inside me it was only natural to allow myself to heal outwardly as well. Basically to match my outside appearance to the growth and love I was feeling on the inside.
So what was happening on the inside? Wow! a lot a lot of hurt from childhood experiences. Failed marriage of five years. Failed eight year relationship. Raising two beautiful children on my own and questioning if I'm doing a good job? do they even love me? would they rather live with their dad and stepmother? Just feeling as if "my life is so fucked right now why am I here?" This is NOT how I saw my life being at age 35. Right about now I would be happily married to a man that loved me unconditionally and adored me and I loved and adored him. We would have beautiful children and I would be the "Soccer Mom" and all my kids friends would find me to be the "Cool Mom" but that's just now how it has gone in the least bit!

I was born the fifth child out of six children, five of which were boys! Yes. I'm the ONLY girl my mother gave birth to. After raising boys, Mom wasn't very girly. She didn't wear make up ONLY lipstick. When she painted her nails it was clear nail harder. She was VERY strict with me. I couldn't leave the circle in Oakwood Estates unless accompanied by a childhood friend and I BETTER be home by the time the street lights came on and I BETTER had been where we said we were going! Myrtle didn't play. Going on date required the leaving the house advise of, " Keep your panties up and dress down. Don't come back with no babies. I'm doing good enough to raise ya'll." Lucky me I made it through high school and two semesters of college with No babies!
Then, I met my ex. He is the cousin of my best friend and was home on leave from the Navy. We hit it off, he went back to California and we continued our relationship. Two years later we married, July 1998. Two years later I gave birth to my daughter Kira. Two years later we were separated. One year later back together and I'm pregnant with our son Devin. Eight weeks after his birth I leave and it's done filed for divorce. Yes. Food and stress became my best friends! 

So, with all this mess going on inside of me after my divorce September 29,2003 my life really went crazy. Raising a 3yr old daughter, Kira and 1yr old son,Devin and having to move back home with my mother who had just had triple bypass heart surgery I was a WRECK but I put on a damn good front and smiled and went on with my life. I FINALLY moved out on my own with absolutely NOTHING. I gave my ex-husband everything and left. So my "father" (my two middle brothers father) Bennie aka Dunk took me out to Hoover's and told me pick whatever I wanted. What did I do? Went to the very back in the clearance section and found the cheapest couch I could find and I was going to "make it work" because that's how I do. Make stuff work no matter how much it hurts me, I don't like or approve of it I, "Make it work". So, I picked out a white couch cause it was only a little over $100 I believe and Dunk was like,"Are you sure? with the kids it gonna get awful dirty and I get the feeling you just looking for something cheap." He was right. I convinced him to get it and I still have it today! I happened to get my little brother Terral's old bunk beds so the kids had a bed and then Dunk was going moving to Louisville,Ky so he gave me his bed. I had to go to God's Pantry for food to put in my kitchen. I never felt so humiliated in my life! Although, it wasn't about me anymore it was about feeding my kids. So"Make it Work".

I believe I was weighing in then around 247pounds wearing size 24! I had NEVER been that big IN MY LIFE!  I always was self conscious about my weight. So, as a teen I became anorexic. I would go days without eating but I would walk the college campus to classes and the LexTran transit center and walk to and from work sometimes. Terrified that if I ate I was gonna get fat. All I could hear in my head were the fat comments my Aunt used to make to me when I was little. So,I didn't eat. Then, it caught up to me when I hadn't eaten in like three days and I passed out at work and was dehydrated and that's when my mom found out. I was wearing like a size 6 and that was too big but it hid my real size!After the divorce and being on my own for the FIRST time and now with two mouths to feed I stressed and started to lose weight (unhealthy of course) but none the less I was losing. I got down to a THICK SEXY size 16 and finally had guys looking at me again. Felt GREAT. So, I reverted back to my old ways of slipping meals. Except this time I would at least eat once a day.