You know every year for the past 11 years I have been so depressed come Christmas morning. Either I was depressed because I was all alone with no one to sit up late with to wrap Christmas presents or cuddle up to Christmas morning and watch the kids open their gifts. Or, I was lying in the bed crying because I wasn't able to afford to buy the kids gifts at all or all that they wanted for Christmas. Christmas hasn't been a very pleasant holiday for me for many years.
BUT NOT THIS YEAR!!!
I started off being a little down that this was year number 11 ALONE. My kids leave every Christmas morning and spend most of the day with their father and his family and I am home all alone. But who cares(shrugs shoulders and smiles). I am happy and healthy. My kids are happy and healthy as well as my family and friends. Then, I was a little down that I couldn't get all of what my kids wanted but, I just said Thank you Lord for what I AM ABLE to get them!Underneath the Christmas tree won't be empty. I got up this morning and watched my kids open their gifts and smile, they were so happy! They weren't expecting much but they weren't expecting to get what they got either :-)TING! What I love about my kids and my relationship is that I am open and honest with them about things happening in our lives and they are understanding. Yes, they get a little down because they don't have all of what their friends have but, they are grateful for what I can provide for them. The most AWESOME part is when I step aside and stop worrying and truly hand things over to God, HE PROVIDED!!! Family and friends stepped in to help make things possible for my babies! I am eternally grateful. All morning I have been thanking God for what he has done for us.
This week has been very trying but I didn't lose FAITH. Can you believe it? I didn't lose FAITH! Normally, I would just give up go to my room and cry and ask God why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong? BUT NOT THIS YEAR! This year I am smiling and dancing in my kitchen floor praising God for what he blessed me with this year and seeing the blessing in the ALL small things! He truly has made a way out of NO WAY this week, month and year for me. I danced in the kitchen while I sung " Can't nobody, do me like Jesus. Can't nobody, do me like the Lord. Can't nobody do me like Jesus cause he's my friend!" Woo THANK YA JESUS!
The BEST Christmas ever started on Friday. I received the news that I was approved to host my dream of Fabulously Fit at the Charles Young Community Center for FREE January 11,2014. Next, I received an unexpected message from a Humana Representative wanting to be a part of the Fabulously Fit event! THANK YOU LORD! Then, I thought I was going to experience some even harder times. I prepared my kids and the house for the worst and guess what? GOD came through ON TIME and all is well! Then, I was down about not too many Christmas gifts under the tree for my kids. But, my family and friends sent things I didn't know were coming and gave without asking anything in return. My kids were blessed any how and I was PROUD for once for what I COULD do and not sad about what I couldn't. My kids were so excited to see me open my gifts from them that they either made for me or bought for me with their own money. They enjoyed seeing me smile on Christmas as much as I did them! They even took pride in buying for each other! My mother is alive and well. She has even managed to lose 25 pounds in four months! All her numbers a GOOD! Doctor is impressed and told her to keep it up and she was even happy and wants to keep losing weight! Last but not least, I was blessed with a second job! That I actually enjoy and it works perfect for my weird schedule. How can I not be happy this Christmas!
Through my studying and wisdom from my spiritual mother, I have found that by me constantly focusing on what I don't have or can't afford and all the other negative stuff,that is what I keep attracting in my life. So, I have been making a very conscious effort to focus on what I DO HAVE and being grateful for what I have been blessed with and more of those blessings have been brought into my life. When I find myself saying I can't afford this or that. I change the thought to," I will get it later just not right now and that is ok." It doesn't make me a failure because I can't run out and buy the things I want or even need. It just means I need to come up with a better way of getting to what I want and need or sitting still and let God bring it to me in due time whichever way he/she decides they want me to receive it. I have even learned that it doesn't make me a failure or weak to ask for help. We all need help sometimes and there are people willing to help when they know you are trying. THANK YOU to ALL of you that have been there for me and my kids! We appreciate you beyond words.
HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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